Say What You Need To Say

Other than physical survival, the greatest human need is the need to be understood, validated or appreciated. Communication experts estimated we only communication ten percent with words, thirty percent with sounds and the rest or sixty percent with body language. But how much of what we want to say is communicated through our hearts. One of the most difficult things for me to do sometimes is to say what I need to say. But to live a life with less regret, I have to start revealing my heart. To say what I need to say when the opportunity comes is a difficult yet my greatest fear is relationships messed up by things left unsaid.

 

Lines of communications are breaking down theses days although people talk all the time but very few are hearing each others words, let alone unspoken messages and feelings. Although we possess  computers, iphones and other mobile networking gadgets most  communication is non-verbal, things like facial expressions, hand and body gestures. Unfortunately  by using the above modern means of communications we have at our disposal, we are only expressing about twenty percent of what we are trying to convey and we are also only able to receive twenty percent of what is being conveyed to us.

It is really important for me to express my feelings to the key people in my life. Sometimes what I'm saying doesn't always come out the way I intended. And in turn, especially with my kids, I have to work really hard to listen to them intently and see things through their eyes. However, to really listen you must first open your hearts before you open you mouth. You must first seek to understand, then be understood.

Listen emphatically. This means to listen with the intent to understand. Listening takes time but if you can take the time now to listen to a love one then you will save yourself a lot of time down the road trying to repair a relationship. Apart from time and listening emphatically we must share our troubles. For people to see my heart, I have to admit my mistakes and share my needs.

Tell the truth, truth means trust. Great relationships and great organizations are built on trust, and to build trust, you must tell the truth. We must be willing to tell the truth but also temper it with grace. If you are angry, talk about it. If you feel hurt, talk about it. If you have a strong opinion, share it. If you respect others, speak the truth. Of course truth is messy sometimes but it will build trust and strengthen the foundation of the relationship.

Finally, say what you need to say to God. Call on God and seek his guidance to help you connect with people in your life. God says, "Call me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 Be honest and if you cannot find the words, ask Him to give you the words. True communication is about connecting, sharing and understanding. We must be willing to open our hearts to listen and identify unspoken needs of others.

Take all of your wasted honor

Every little past frustration

Take all of your so-called problems

Better put 'em in quotations

Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you'd be better off instead

Have no fear for giving in

Have no fear for giving over

You'd better know that in the end

Its better to say too much

Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say.

~John Mayer