The Beginning

Ok, so today I decided I would start a blog....well actually I had one but I think it was just more of me venting about stuff that really doesn't matter than a blog that has any type of valuable content. Having said that I want to let everyone know that what I plan to do with this blog will either be helpful or at the very least, let you know that I am human and my family is just as dysfunctional as anyone else out there. Feel free to take that anyway you like.

Now, for those of you that know me, some my wonder, "What the hell is she going to do?!!" Don't worry. If I tell a story about you, I promise to change you name. haha That is unless you are one of my ex-husbands then I'll tell everyone.....just kidding...... maybe.......well, it just depends on how damn funny it is so beware.

So, just a little information about me is that I used to be a workaholic. Back in 2008 I lost my mother to MRSA or Mursa. She was a nurse and contracted  it from a patient. She got it in her lungs and died of Pneumonia about six months later. My mother's name was Vera and she gave her life to her job, not her family. I used to be the same way. I worked a 12 hour swing shift, lots of over-timed and became a part-time student on top of that. Like my mother, I was not home much. I worked all the time. I thought that working everyday made me a good parent. I thought trying to buy everything stinking thing my kids asked for made me a good parent. I thought giving them money to go shopping all the time to made up for me not being at a basketball game or dance competition. This can be a viscous cycle folks. When you are a single parent and you feel like you have to do it all......in reality you end up losing it all. I missed a lot of stuff. I ruined my last marriage because I spent more time with the people I worked with than my family. I missed out on spending time with my mom before she died. I was at work when my step-dad called me to tell me my mom was in the hospital and she probably wasn't going to make it. Instead of leaving right then, I waited until my shift was over. When I got to there they were preparing to fly her to the University of Kentucky Hospital and would not let me see her. Twenty minutes later I heard them call a Code Blue to my mothers room number. She died and I didn't get to say good bye. I tried but I was too late. I hope she heard when I said that I loved her. I hope she heard me when I said I was sorry for not coming sooner. I hope she heard me when I asked her to stay with me and give me another chance. I just hope she heard me......

I think that was the beginning for me. A beginning of finding a better way to live my crazy life. I don't ever remember going on vacation with my parents growing up. That's because my mother never took a vacation. We never went to church although she believed in God. There were lots of things we never did and I was determined not to let that happen to me and my kids.

A couple of summers ago, the girls and I took a trip to Destin, Florida. On the way down there, at 5:30 in the morning in Montgomery Alabama, my directions flew out the window. The sun was coming up and as I reached on the dashboard to get my sunglasses, I pulled the directions off the dash and they got sucked out the window at 75 miles an hour. Courtney was the only one awake besides me and she looked in horror as I busted out laughing. I didn't have a map or GPS or anything.....just written instructions  on a piece of paper that was now stuck to the highway. For whatever reason, I wasn't freaking out. I knew I had 180 miles until my next exit, the sun would be up and we would all me fine. We made the trip safe and sound of course and I had never seen such beautiful water in my whole life. I had been to Myrtle Beach and a few other places along the east coast but never Florida. The sand was white as snow and I could still see my toes in water up to my neck. The girls thought I was the best mom ever and I felt like the best mom ever. That week we laid on the beach, ate crab legs and got burned to a crisp but we bonded like never before. Just me and my kids.

Long story short, that was the start of me trying to find a way to spend more time with the ones that mean the most. It took me a little while but for the last 3 months I have been working from home opening accounts online for an international company. I work when I want for as long as I want and if I don't want to work then I don't. I can be there for my kids. Be there for all their events and challenges. Be there we they need to talk or listen when they need to vent......I do have 3 teenage daughters by the way and they vent all the time. And to tell the truth, I think they need me more now then they did when they were little. It's not easy being a teenager and it's not always easy being a parent but at least we are going through it together.