Glitter in the Air

I was listening to Glitter in the Air by Pink and as unusual she put into words feelings we have all had from time to time. She talked about the breath before a kiss and I thought to myself, "I totally know what she is talking about." The breath you take right before your lips touch, it's like magic.

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

No one can write lyrics like this unless they can feel them with their soul. There is a big difference between putting pretty words on paper and pouring your heart out blood and all. Moments when you thought your body would actually rip into and the pain would totally consume you. There have been times in my life when I was so happy I could bust. Everything was exciting and perfect. Nothing or no one could bring me down. Then there have been instances when I thought I had lost my mind. The little voice in my head, putting in overtime, trying to convince me the world was plotting my demise. Bitter as an unripened blackberry and sharp as the thorns that come with it. I have experienced moments of clarity during these times in my life. Learning how strong you are and how much crap you can take definitely comes in handy when your back is to the wall.

Past relationships that I have had in my life have brought me both joy and pain. But for the most part I wouldn't change the time I spent with those people. My first marriage made me a mother for the first time. The feeling a mother has toward her child is probably the most indescribable feeling in the whole world. I mean, I simply can never put into words what happened to me when I became a mom. How can you love something so unconditionally that just cause you the worst physical pain you will ever experience in your life? I don't know how but the instant Brooke was born that 24 hours of labor and the 60 minutes I pushed..... simply vanished.  I can honestly say I was sad the whole time I was pregnant with Courtney because I loved Brooke so much I didn't think I could love Courtney the same. Of course when I saw her, all the sadness disappeared and I loved her just as much but differently some how. Jaylan increased my love even more when she came into my life. Three sweet little girls who have now grown into teenagers with so much life ahead of them. I'm excited to see what they do in the world.

Although friends have come and gone, there have been a few that have withstood the test of time. People that I am so close to, I would feel as though I lost a piece of my soul if I were to ever lose them. People who you can be away from for years and the moment you reconnect.... it's like the days never passed between you. Friends that keep your secrets and know who you really are but still love you anyway. I have had the privilege to experience some of these precious people as well and the ones who weren't so precious but taught me a very important lesson about human nature.


Regardless of how my relationships ended or why they ended doesn't mean much to me these days. The ones that I still have close to me are the ones that mean the most. My kids, my better half and my great friends keep me sane more often then not....... but the most important relationship I have is with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and he blesses me everyday.

Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?